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Ramblings Of An Insecure Writer

November 3, 2009 2 comments

This is the third day of National Novel Writing Month, and I think I’m holding my own so far. I’ve met my goal of 2,000 words the first two days. I’ve not written anything today yet. Not sure why I’m procrastinating today. Seems like I’m finding other things to do and not doing what I should be doing. The story I’m writing is coming to me in bits and pieces. I’m not sure I like where it’s heading, but it’s the only thing that keeps popping up. I don’t want to write the cliché suspense story.

I was hoping to delve into the mind of a young adult who had a horrible childhood. Not a very uplifting story, no, but it’s what I came up with. And I have to give credit for my idea to one of the contestants on The Biggest Loser (no it’s not about weight loss). For those of you who watch the show, my idea came from Shay. For those who don’t watch the show, Shay is in her early 20s and was the daughter of a heroin addict. So my story is revolving around that. I have no idea what Shay went through growing up, I’m just going with it.

Anyway, it seems my mind wants to turn it into a suspense story. Sure, my main character is dealing with the memories of her past, that was my main idea. But an idea came to me yesterday, and I’m having a hard time ignoring it. The problem, is it’s so cliché. I keep asking myself “Do I really want to go there? Seriously?”, and I guess I do. After all, when I first started I said I’d let the story go where it wanted to. So I guess I’ll do it.

My other thoughts are, “Am I good enough to write like this? Who do I think I am trying to write a 50,000 word novel in one month? What if I write something ‘wrong’. What if I get certain facts wrong? Am I writing the same things over and over? Didn’t I write a paragraph like this yesterday? Am I going to be able to meet my 2,000 word count today? I’m going to stuck and am not going to be able to get out of my blockage.”.

The doubts are creeping in and it’s driving me nuts. I need my mind to shut up and just write. That’s the point, just write. It doesn’t have to make sense. This is just getting the words out on paper (or screen). Editing will come later. If I even want to edit it. No one is going to read this except me. No one is going to say “This is wrong. This isn’t how such and such works.”.

So its time to get to work. I needed this mental scream to get myself going. Aye, aye, aye, what am I doing to myself?

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