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Coming Back!!

I am indeed coming back. It’s been quite a while since my last post, and I believe in that post I was dealing with a string of bad balance days. I got out of that string of days, but about a month later, I went through another string.

Still don’t know what causes it. It can be tough to go through, and makes me feel like giving up. “What’s the point of exercising and keeping in shape if my balance isn’t going to cooperate?” That thought went through my head countless times, and honestly, it still does. But, I can’t let a few days (weeks, months) of bad balance get me down. It’s easy to get caught in the downward swirl of emotional junk. It’s easier to let the negative thoughts take over rather than come up with positive thoughts to replace them.

Don’t think that it’s all doom and gloom over here. It’s not. Just saying the negative thoughts find a way to win every now and then. And the anxiety of fighting a problem that can’t really be fixed is annoying also. Never been diagnosed, but I’m pretty sure I’ve had general anxiety all my life. I can’t really remember a time where I wasn’t worried about something. Oral presentations, tests, walking in front of people when I left class 5 minutes early, every day conversations. I was worrying about it all. And I still do. Dumb stuff that nobody cares about. I have to keep reminding myself that people are thinking about what they need to do. They’re not worrying about what I’m doing.

I do think some of the social anxiety has gotten better. It’s not totally gone, but it’s better than it was. I have rough days still when I talk to people, but I try not to let it bug me. Words just don’t want to come out smoothly. The more I worry about that, the more the words don’t want to get out. Getting frustrated only makes it worse too.

Anyway, I’ve been working on the whole anxiety thing. Not trying to “fix” it, but to learn to live with it. I’ve always said that I don’t want to go on medication, and that still holds true. Although, if I could find a pill or something that makes me feel as relaxed as I do when I have an alcoholic drink (minus the brain fuzz), I’d take it. I walk easier, talk easier, and just feel relaxed overall when I have a drink. I don’t drink often at all. I’ll have a Mike’s hard lemonade every other week or so, but that’s it. Well, when I go back east for family vacations, I tend to drink more (one a night).

I’m going to get writing again with this blog. Even if only a handful of people read it. I don’t care if anyone reads it really. It’s a good outlet for my frustrations. I am mostly a positive person, I really am. I’m agreeable and I try to make other people happy. I do have to learn to stand up for myself sometimes though. If I don’t want to do something, I don’t have to do it.

I have a few interesting blog posts I’ll be writing soon. And I’ll be doing Mileage Mondays for a while. I have been saving the pictures from the virtual walk site, and there’s quite a few. Not as many as I’d like. I slacked off for a bit because of the balance junk and anxiety from that, but I’m back at it. I’m doing more full miles now than I was. I take breaks after every tenth of a mile, but I get the whole mile in.

So for now, I’ll shut up. I could ramble on if I really wanted to. But, that’s enough for one post. I’ll write more about what I’ve been up to exercise-wise in another entry. Which reminds me, I need to update my workout page.

Keep moving!

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